rules of gun fighting.funny

[ahrimen]

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

As John Steinbeck once said:

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a .45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a .46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

But wait, there's more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said 'Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!' To which I said, of course it is loaded, can't work without bullets!' She then asked, 'Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?' My reply was, 'No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.'

But wait, there's still more!

USMC Rules for Gunfighting

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Your life is expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on 'pucker factor' than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but he should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. ('In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.')

19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

23. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a '.4' Yup, there's still more

Navy Rules to Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea

2. Send in the Marines

3. Drink Coffee

That's it!

[MorGrendel]

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.


AMEN!

[Rachel]

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

my favorites but I loved the whole thing, nice one!

[Bash]

speaking from a personal point of view. I could not stop laughing when i red this one.

Navy Rules to Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea

2. Send in the Marines

3. Drink Coffee

[boagrius]

ain't that the truth.

[Fritz]

The Navy ones are pure win.

[Clan ONeill Guy]

I always thought that I was just paranoid but it seems that there are others that think the same as I do. I really enjoyed the list. My favorite was "Be polite. Be professional. Have a plan to kill everyone that you meet." I think that would look really good as a patrol car logo, "Protect and Serve" is a bit outdated.

[Berserker]

hehe, these are hilarious. I love the Navy ones. But there was one good thing that came out of the Navy -- the SEALs. Those are some bad ass troops I would never want sent after me (unless they are coming to extract me). In my oppinion they are probably one of the best special forces we have.

[MorGrendel]

If you have not see that Fight Science show on Discovery where they subject the special forces guys to trials you have to TIVO it or something. There is a Seal on there that they put in an ice bath and his core temp goes up, that's freaking bad ass.